dear lord -

i felt your shape & heard you breathing;
i felt the rise & fall of your chest, i felt your fall,
your winter snows, your gusty blow, your lava flow.
i felt it all.
your starry night, your lack of light,
with limp arms i can feel most of you.

i hung around your neck independently,
& my loss was overwhelmed by this new depth i dont think ive ever felt.

but i dont know,
these nights are cold,
& i remember warmth.
i could have sworn i wasnt alone.

our parks have goats, i hear...

on the 49 up the hill this afternoon, it took me awhile to notice this man standing crookedly by the back door. he had entered in business casual: navy blazer, linen khakis, a turquoise polo even, brown loafers. his forehead had been tanned by the summertime to a bronze sheen; grayed hair horseshoed around it. from his knee he attempted to balance two iron mountain cardboard boxes, filled fully, the top overflowing with dusty & nicked plaques. a woman seated taps him with a hasty, polite offer of her seat. he smiles almost demurely, patterned almost by resignation, "i dont think that will help me much, dear." i watched him without regard, carelessly, as he maneuvered around during each bend of the billows. in one hand, he gripped an outdated silver phone; in the other, a golf club--appropriately enough, a driver. midway up the hill--lets say on summit?--a text alert beeps. "do you think he was fired?" well, you certainly dont quit a job intending to carry these clumsy boxes back to wherever it is you live. i lower my sunglasses then so i can wonder somewhat shamelessly. the lad next to me carries on tinkering with his blackberry, a rigid laptop bag stuffed between his knees. he doesnt even glance up, doesnt even notice. oh well. to me, this is just another day, strung along against the next.
  • Current Music

harvard crest, as seen by lo svec:

eleven reasons:

11. you find it pertinent to get me out of bed at 4 in the am to walk down to qfc for some wheat bread & sliced cheese, because at 4am, grilled cheese is THAT important. & no matter how delirious i am, i understand, & im walking with you getting harassed by crackheads for melted cheese between bread.

10. if necessary, you can tear a bitch down in under three minutes.

09. i can honestly tell you of things so bone-cripplingly embarrassing i might actually be too modest to share with anyone else in this entire world. dare i mention english champagne? but you dont bat an eyelash. you just go, "oh i know right...?" & then expel some equally confidential facts.

08. you get it. whatever it is, doesnt matter, i dont even have to form it into a thought, its that simple really: you just get it.

07. well, you never finish your words, either.

06. actually, we talk to each other so much weve developed our own code, which i guarantee is frightening to society.

05. also, we have mastered the art of guilty pleasures, & find no shame in it.

04. we want a garden in the p-patch? we want two chairs facing the sun? you want a sofa moved from queen anne (& barry obama cant get here in time)? no worries: "we will just get some boys to do it."

03. with that said, you know how to hustle.

02. every night i make you look out the window, & you already know what im going to say: "why would anyone want to live anywhere else?" & you more than anyone know exactly what i mean when i say this. & every night you answer. "i dont know, babygirl."

& claro, el numero uno razon:

  • Current Music
    the falling sun -- a place to bury strangers

destruction, destruction -- farewell flight

its a brand new day. the words we say here are everlasting; they dont ever stop. its okay that i am a black hole. youre my star. im absorbing your atoms into my heart. its cold out here, this time of year, in outer space; as always, my lips are soft from your chapstick. all your nightmares are stained glass windows. well, im a rock. im feeling destructive, im feeling destructive. is this love that i feel? is this love? well, i barely even know myself. tell me, how could i know you? is this love that i feel? is it love when im so afraid of all of this? i know im nothing without you.

for you, my babydollar

first - ive never been so humiliated for anyone in my life. have you no shame, girl? horribly though, i find it HILARIOUS.

second - this is my babyapartment:

oh & third -

all this living would be absolutely meaningless without my babygirl. nevermore have i needed a babygirl, & this one sure takes care of my babyheart. this city is ours.

for the fixedgear kids on the hill; glorious

We are a lost generation, desperately clinging to anything that feels real, but too afraid to become it ourselves. We are a defeated generation, resigned to the hypocrisy of those before us, who once sang songs of rebellion and now sell them back to us. We are the last generation, a culmination of all previous things, destroyed by the vapidity that surrounds us. The hipster represents the end of Western civilization – a culture so detached and disconnected that it has stopped giving birth to anything new.


it takes awhile to get back into all of not there yet. this summer was much too much. processing it might just kill me, day by day. i wish the world could know how little i want from it. just a warm bed & some sunshine. well the world delivered. i have stacks of books to devour before im mandated to read other ones. im going to go shower all of this uncertainty off me.

i think.


+paranoid park
+sunshine in seacity
-bumbershoot lineup
-mamabear cutting me off
+my beddd my glorious bed
+familiar faces!
+dinner at charlies
+late night messages
+"we are so gold"
-not having my boxes
+collecting mcsweeneys with moth
+waking up to lo
+summer camp tan!
-my building not having enough storage units for all their residents >:o [an angered face]
+some rest
+"i want to come see you, you geeky bookworm"
  • Current Music
    april skies -- the jesus & mary chain